Hey, you. It’s me. Or should I say, this is you?
I am your future self. I am writing you this letter because I remember how we were hoping to find a fast forward button or some leap of quantum physics to find out how you would ever get us out of that mess of a marriage. And since I am here (or should I say, we?) in your future, I can tell you that magic is a real thing, so I am sure you found that fast forward button and are reading this letter.
I have awesome news for you. We made it out and now our life is amazing. You should hurry up and get here. Stop wallowing in fear and anguish and self doubt. Life is short and precious and you were not intended to be spending it being abused by a bratty man child who is insecure and, as I later came to realize, is intimidated by you. AND THAT IS WHY HE ABUSES YOU.
All of that terrorizing and fear mongering that he does is projection. He knows that you can do better than him so he fervently rips away at your self esteem so you won’t notice and so you are too afraid to move beyond him.
GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE NOW! Speed up your plans. I promise you, getting out is the hard part. But once you are headed for freedom, there will be no turning back. Stop laboring over the things you are leaving behind. Things can be replaced. Years of your life cannot.
Will you struggle after you get out? Of course I did. My head was all kinds of fucked up from living with a narcissist for 17 years. That’s why I am telling you to get out. The longer you stay, the more of your soul – OUR SOUL – gets sucked out.
I have to give you kudos. Broadcasting your exit plans was a stroke of genius. All of those people who were rooting for you to get out made it hard for me to go back, because I didn’t want to let them down or look like a fool. Abusers need victims who can keep a secret. Keep on not keeping it a secret.
Remember when you thought that you were okay with escaping even if it meant you might end up poor and struggling? Well, that doesn’t happen. And you know why? Because we are smarter than that. We have always been quite capable of caring for ourselves. It was the narcissist who needed us, not the other way around. You will figure it out. Stop worrying about money.
Oh, and remember how you swore you were never going to ever be in a relationship, ever, ever again? Because you don’t trust your own judgment? Well, I’m not going to blow the big surprise for you, but trust me when I say that you are not going to spend the rest of OUR life being loveless and lonely. Despite our best efforts, love will find us. And for the first time in our existence, we are not lonely. You are going to be so surprised!
Right now, you are going to have to trust me and take that leap of faith. If not for you, do it for us. I am the net. I will catch you. I promise.
Get out now.
Pam McCoy is an author, write and co-host of Crazybusters.