January 5, 2017 at 7:27 pm #1067
I think it’s normal for “normal” people to wonder how in the hell they ever got involved with a nutbag. How did I not see the signs? Why did I ignore the HUGE red flags? Why did I stay so long? And most importantly, how can I make sure this never happens again?
For me the “crazy” was my DH’s exwife. She’s a borderline with depression and alcoholism. SO. MUCH. CRAZY… All rolled into one :o)
And my questions aren’t so much how did *I* not see the crazy, but how did my normally very down-to-earth husband not see it? And I’ve come to think, and PLEASE weigh in here, that “crazy” is somewhat contagious. The gaslighting, blaming, always moving the target, rages followed by love bombing, all serve to make the normal person crazy too.
And for me, the crazy that was my husband rubbed off on me!
When I met, dated and eventually married my husband he was insane. He couldn’t pull his head out of his exwife’s ass to save his life. All decisions revolved around her, she called several times per day, she texted, she had access to his finances, etc. He hid all of that pretty well until after our marriage. But when I discovered the level of enmeshment between the two it made ME crazy. I acted in ways I NEVER would have acted (and have never since).
I was able to disengage myself inch by inch within a couple of years, and my husband disengaged from his ex as well (but it took longer). Now we are total no-contact and have been for about 8 years, and we were low contact for the 4 years prior to that. But when I look back on those early years I can clearly see how insane our lives were. And I can see that I KNEW things were “off” immediately, but I had no idea how to get out of the mess.
Crazy ex infected my husband who infected me. AS the least, and last, infected, I was able to identify and escape the behaviors fairly quickly. My husband took longer. His ex remains crazier than ever.
has anyone else here had an experience like this? Are you still in it? If you escaped, did you require support/counseling, or were you able to extricate yourself with the jaws of life being employed, LOL?January 5, 2017 at 8:06 pm #1069
I agree. When you live with crazy, you begin reacting to it in crazy ways, because there really is no other choice, other than to leave. Otherwise, there is no healing from it while you are still enmeshed with it. Crazy people are assholes and co-dependent people who are stuck with adapt by enabling it. Because to go against or openly disagree with the crazy person, 100% of the time means that you will be raged at and told that YOU are the crazy one.
Walking on eggshells is not healthy either, but it is something that a co-dependent person can learn to stop doing – once they break away from and go no contact with the crazy person.
Mental illness is a disease that requires others to suffer.January 6, 2017 at 3:59 pm #1070
“Mental illness is a disease that requires others to suffer.”
I’m writing that on my bathroom mirror so I won’t ever make the mistake of forgetting this profound bit of truth.April 16, 2017 at 12:39 pm #1269
I just read this from a new member on this forum:
“crazy is not contagious but it is forged”.
He just hit the nail on the head.April 26, 2017 at 12:01 pm #1315
If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?
That’s what I thought of when I read your last questions above. I have a lot of blood in my caffeine stream right now, so pardon me if my answer isn’t entirely organized.
I think you are right. Cluster B personalities wouldn’t exist without a victim(s) on which to perpetrate their disorder. The nature of the disorder requires that the Cluster B act upon another person in order for the disorder to be expressed. A schizophrenic puts tinfoil on their head regardless of anyone else being present. The inner voices still talk, the delusions still rage. But a BPD, for instance, must rage AT someone, must gaslight someone, must throw a rage toward someone. They must manipulate someone else for their own gain. If left entirely alone how would the disorder present?April 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm #1316
Kathy, you have blood in your coffee? lol
I wanted to clarify that PERSONALITY DISORDERED people require others to suffer. And FWIW, I don’t really consider PD’d people to be mentally ill – at least not like Bipolar and Schizophrenia.
Maybe they can’t help themselves but be mean, conniving and selfish – but that is more of lack of morals. They prove that they know what they are doing by their ability to put on the mask when it suits their purpose.May 7, 2017 at 10:28 pm #1344
I have a friend who has been separated for years,and is like a puppet on a string .she Controls everything ,having all the money and power and he ,is like a trained dog.
He didn’t tell me until later, that she had access to all his emails, so I was sending in links to men’s support groups etc, she was reading it all .
This why Why I no longer volunteer to help divorced and separated men.
He endures it mostly due to his two lovely young teenage children,plus hes low wage part time teacher,has no choice if he wants see his kidsMay 8, 2017 at 7:27 pm #1346
That’s really sad, One. Of course your friend DOES have a choice. He is just afraid to make it. He absolutely does not have to have his Ex his internet passwords. He chooses this. But you are right. Until he gets sick of being treated this way, there is no helping him.
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