May 18, 2017 at 6:53 am #1351
Hi everyone. I’ve been a member of dr. T’s other forum shrink 4 men forum. I am a woman but I signed up there because my brother brought a CB (crazy Bitch, C*nt Bitch) into our family and she managed to completely destroy his relationships with us. I joined the site to get some insight from the men who have experienced life with a personality disordered lunatic, in order to gain some perspective as to why the brother I once knew has turned into a person whom I don’t even know or recognize. I also wanted to see if there were any other family members out there who’ve been in my shoes and can help me figure out what and what not to do when it comes to dealing with a demon such as this one. There was a small section at S4M dedicated to friends and family but I’m thankful this forum was created so it’s not so male dominated.
Dr.T featured my story on her blog. (I’ll provide a link for anyone interested in that one). I haven’t visited S4M forum in quite some time because unfortunately my mom was diagnosed with cancer at the end of 2015, and she passed away November 2016. As if losing my mom wasn’t not hard enough Satan (my brothers crazy wife) and my brother made things ten times harder. They weren’t around much of at all in the past three years, and during the beginning stages of her disease, (by beginning I mean when we first found out about it) they did nothing to help. A few months after we intially found out she had cancer, we found out it was a rare, aggressive form of cancer that didn’t respond well to treatment. With that said, after three years of Satan treating my mother like total and utter garbage, taking to her like she was dirt, direspecting her and minimizing her feelings, she suddenly wanted to be best friends with her as soon as we found out that her change at survival was Grimm at best. How convenient! The worse my mom got, the more Satan tried to take control. I caught her and my brother going to my moms house several times while she was in the hospital to snoop around in her safe and filing cabinets, without her consent so they can take control of her assets without her consent, while she was hospitalized. They even went so far as to plant cameras in her house in an attempt to either control me, scare me or set me up. After her death things just got worse and I’ve been living a f*cking nightmare for the last six months.
If anyone is interested in seeing what a “crazy Bitch” is capable of doing to a family check out my blog. I started to use writing as a way to cope with all of the pent up anger.
If this violates the rules here I apologize in advance as I am unfamiliar with them. the lion the witch and the narcissist – my story about my toxic family
https://thelionthewitchandthenarcissist.wordpress.com/May 18, 2017 at 8:54 pm #1352
From my research, this dysfunction is common.As the system scapegoat, I carried it all for the rest of them, except for the ones who went mad or killed themselves. I also have to deal with a toxic relative,a drunk,narcisist/ psychopath, ontop of fighting a chronic ,incurable disease
Every day is a struggleMay 20, 2017 at 2:41 pm #1354
It took me several hours over a 2 day span to read your blog. First, I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Having lost my brother in 2015, very suddenly and unexpectedly, I can tell you that the grief will overcome you at the strangest moments. Expect that for the next while and treat yourself gently.
Second…wow. I’m still thinking and soaking everything in and truly I don’t know how you did it. How your survived that and still survive with your mind intact. You are STRONG.
Yes, I believe your brother got himself tangled up with a malignant narcissist. Yes, I believe your family of origin has issues. I believe there were mistakes by everyone in this situation. But you know what? I think the malignant narcissist is the lightning rod here. Without her I believe your mom’s situation would have revealed the faults and weaknesses of those around you. And we all have them. No matter how perfect a family SEEMS, the truth is there are always skeletons. We’re all human, we all have faults, we all make mistakes. NONE of what anyone did would have been insurmountable without a narcissist in there stirring the pot, pulling puppet strings, dividing, strategizing and manipulating.
Because that’s what I think this all boils down to. Satan isn’t to blame for everyone’s mistakes and character flaws, nor is she to blame for the high emotion and reactions surrounding your mom’s illness and death. She *is* to blame for exploiting and manipulating those human flaws and emotions in order to satisfy her own need for control, drama and revenge.
What I’m saying (not too well, not enough caffeine going!) is that we all say things, do things, react differently when we are under great stress and emotion. Your FOO was in a terrible situation and human flaws were magnified by the terrible trauma you all were going through. Add a malignant narcissist/personality disordered person to the mix and you get a TERRIBLE set up and you suddenly have lifelong relationships being torn apart. That’s the narcissist’s goal.
All I can say to you right now in the way of advice is this: those people will begin to cannibalize each other. YOU were the target, for all the reasons you think you were the target (seeing through the narc). But when you remove yourself, refuse to participate in the drama, refuse ANY and ALL interactions, soon they have no more fuel. You aren’t giving them anything to work with. But that crazy negativity and drama continues to be fueled by the narc and soon she’ll pick another target and thus, the pattern begins again. And where are you? Safely off in your life, doing your thing, and watching it all go down from afar.
I predict it won’t take that long. When the drama from the will and the estate is over the narc will need to find another target. Who will it be? I predict one of the aunts. Aunt Debbie I believe. Sit back and watch the shit show.May 20, 2017 at 3:13 pm #1355
Excellent summary, iv been there ,still trying avoid being the targetJuly 17, 2017 at 5:00 am #1386
Kathy, thank you so much for reading my blog and for rationalizing like a normal person would and understanding that everyone (myself included) is/was at fault. I have made a few Moreno recent posts about what has happened ed in the last few months. Prior to and during my mom’s hospital stay I was contributing to the toxicity by reacting and in a lot of cases, overreacting to things they were saying and doing. The situation was stressful for all, but there is no question that it was the most stressful for me, as my mom’s main caretaker and pretty much only caretaker. I am not trying to justify my behavior. more so I’m trying to point out that I’m amazed that my family cannot Understand that maybe things were a little more stressful to me, and they could take that into consideration and have some compassion. They do not want to hear anything I have to say and I believe that’s where Satan enters. I have heard some lies that have been told about me, but I have no clue what other lies she has been telling them.
I have gone full on no contact with them. If you read my latest post you can see the details. This amazing thing happens when you stop feeding into the toxicity. They are all going f*cking crazy to get a rise out of me but I have deflected just about every attempt. I know now that they are crazy without my contribution and it’s a good feeling. I am proud of the way I have handled things and conducted myself in the last few months. I really am. It’s not easy to cut off people you have relied on for your whole entire life but I have realized it’s for the better. I have been grieving the loss of my brother for four years now and so it’s hurting a lot less.
I appreciate your comment and I apologize for taking so long to acknowledge it. I’ve been doing my best not to let them occupy space in my mind and when they do, I write about it and the urge to rip their faces off has been satisfied by that.July 28, 2017 at 5:07 pm #1405
lostmybro, I haven’t really been on the s4M or this forum in a long while and I’m just now catching up with your story. I am sorry to hear about your mom. My heart really goes out to you. These situations bring out the best and worst in people, and I really hate to see it when illness and loss bring out these evil greedy predators. *hugs* Looking back after no contact really brings a lot of clarity; I am truly ashamed of some of the things I said and did while participating in my own family’s dysfunction….but beating up on myself is ultimately very tiring and non productive so I have to realize my part in what went wrong, recognize that these relationships aren’t fixable, take the lessons and move forward.
*hugs* You are amazing. I am proud of you.
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