July 13, 2016 at 5:35 pm #301
I’m writing to get your thoughts on anything else I can be doing to protect my husband and myself from further false allegations alleged by my step-daughter’s bio-Mom. She blindsided us back in 2013 with 2 back-to-back false allegations to Child Protective Services when my step-daughter was 4 and she had no custody (as she had signed over custody and accepted only supervised visits when my stepdaughter was 2 because she had finally been sent to jail for some of her bad behavior-only to file papers immediately to get custody back about six months later once she found out I was in the picture). The first allegation was closed out within a day after a visit to our home. The second allegation made was one of sexual abuse (to this day I still think her biggest mistake was accusing BOTH my husband and I of the abuse, but that’s neither here nor there). Needless to say that one took over 8 weeks to get closed out, during which her emergency ex-parte order (these crazy women’s favorite weapon in custody cases!) allowed her to have my step-daughter full-time when before she had her NONE of the time without supervision. Ever since then I have tried my best to make sure something of that nature can never happen again, or at least never take that long to be ‘investigated’ again. Here are some of the things I’ve been doing:
-Having my step-daughter (who is 7 now) see a therapist who “gets it” at least once a month so there is always a 3rd eye on our family and parenting practices
-Taking part in occasional “family sessions” with the therapist/bio-mom & her husband/my husband and I to show that my husband and I are trying to “work with” bio-mom and address her “concerns”. My husband and I are both well aware these sessions won’t change anything and do not give away most of the evidence we have obtained over the past few years that can be used negatively against bio-mom in a future court case
-Reading my step-daughter books about families who don’t live together and some of the things your parents shouldn’t be doing (i.e. talking negatively about the other parent, bringing you into grown-up issues, forcing you to choose sides, asking you to be a spy/carry messages, etc.)
-Putting a big emphasis on honesty, empathy & kindness in my moral teachings to my step-daughter
-Keeping a daily journal of all interactions with Bio-mom, step-dad, or either of their Flying Monkey families
-Recording all court-ordered phone calls between my step-daughter and her Mom; also documenting all calls that Bio-mom misses (but we’re the ones alienating her from the relationship “only she can have with her daughter” right? <–this is sarcasm).
-Keeping binders of all journal entries/printed emails/screenshots of phone calls/medical documents, etc. in chronological order
-Keeping a timeline highlighting her emotionally abusive/manipulative behavior/violations to current Court Order
-Lastly, I do have an email from a former therapist (who ironically Bio-mom initiated services with and dropped after she didn’t do what she wanted her to do) saying there is a very good chance that Bio-mom suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (this email was written ironically after Bio-Mom made a false allegation about this therapist being investigated for malpractice which of course was not true at all).
The only other thing I’ve been thinking about lately is getting a camera system for the interior of my house. However, I hear that it’s almost impossible to record and save all footage. If anyone else records inside your home how do you do it? Do you store it for about 30 days and then have it erased? I want to be able to have video footage in case step-daughter ever “drinks the Kool-Aid” and starts making false allegations herself; and of course for anything else Bio-Mom comes up with (her latest was alleging that step-daughter was self-mutilating at age 6. Seriously). Thanks so much for your input! #10.5moreyearsbeforegreyrockcanbecome100%nocontact
And PS if any of you haven’t read the book ‘Say Buh-Bye to Crazy” yet OMG you have too! Amazing!July 14, 2016 at 3:45 am #312
Dr Tara PalmatierKeymaster
I wish the courts would get up to speed on this kind of malicious harassment.
Does your partner have an attorney? Has there been a psych eval of the mother and father? At what point can your partner have the ex recognized as a vexatious litigant by the courts? When there is court action, is you partner asking for his legal fees to be reimbursed?
Crazy will keep this BS going until she starts to experience negative consequences for doing so. Like being identified as crazy by the courts or having to pay your partner’s legal fees.
If you have an attorney, ask about video monitoring and the legality/whether or not the court will accept it as evidence.July 14, 2016 at 1:34 pm #315
We do have an attorney already set up to handle our case the next time litigation is started. I made sure we got a female lawyer whose firm is supposed to be the best in our area-the price tag makes it seem that way too 🙁 I feel that having both a female lawyer and myself present around my husband also helps downplay The cluster B’s “he is such a scary, scary controlling abusive male” mantra. (It’s SAD we have to think this way when it comes to family court, but alas, you all get that SO well). There have been no psych evaluations ordered yet and I have actually read many articles that caution against asking for them as they often times can go array between the cluster B’s manipulative nature and possible backwards court appointed therapists who will actively side with the cluster B. I’ve read that showing the cluster B’s patterns of behaviors to the Judge is the most important thing to do and we have the evidence to do so along with 2 therapists who will say that these patterns do reflect a possible personality disorder. We DID ask the Judge to have her reimburse my husband’s (boyfriend at the time) legal expenses for the sexual assault allegation but it was denied. I will absolutely ask our lawyer about the video monitoring, thank you for the suggestion! I thought that at least CPS would be able to watch it if a specific date/time was mentioned by Cluster B bio mom that my husband and I were up to our old sexually assaulting children together ways!! <—this is also sarcasm. LOL.July 14, 2016 at 11:02 pm #322
It sounds like you’re doing everything you can do. It sucks that there are no repercussions for making allegations that are proven to be false.
Look into nanny cams. Those record constantly.February 4, 2017 at 6:55 pm #1173
I’ve been meaning to write up a thing about all my tips and tricks for dealing with false allegations of all sorts. You see, I’ve become the master of dealing with cops, undercover cops, confidential informants etc. But wait, my experience extends beyond law enforcement! I’ve had the pleasure of dealing with corrupt social workers from all sorts of county agencies, CPS(child protective services), APS(adult protective services) and MHS(Mental health services). Did I mention they were all from San Diego county? Did you know that San Diego county has the most mind blowing corrupt social workers on the face of the planet?
Most people don’t realize that it is very possible to get “down and dirty” with social workers and beat them at their own game. I’m not advocating this approach, but I know it has saved my hide on more than one occasion. Your better off knowing it and not needing it than not knowing it and winding up in a situation where you need it. Some day I’m going to write a book about this fine art. But for now I’m going to list some good resources that I’ve encountered that from my experience I know they offer real advise about dealing with the various encounters that come with false accusations. And let me tell you, they are few and far between.
Dealing with Child Protective Services
The best piece of real advice available is at The Women’s Justice Center website. It is the article entitled Beware Child Protective Services: What Victims, Advocates, and Mandated Reporters Need to Know (http://justicewomen.com/tips_bewarechildprotectiveservices.html). This is the only article I have ever found that lays it out like it is. I strongly recommend everyone read it. Pam and Dr Tara, you need to check this article out. Another good article, but about Family Court in general is Beware Family Court: What Victims and Advocates Should Know (http://justicewomen.com/help_family_law.html). And finally, the secret weapon that I have personally used to multiple time to send corrupt social workers fleeing: Digital Recorders ~ Not Diamonds ~ Are a Girl’s Best Friend Tips, Laws, and Possibilities (http://justicewomen.com/pw_digitalrecorders.html).
My own personal experience: I once caught a social worker from APS taking advantage of my kind elderly landlady. The social worker lied to my landlady about signing some paperwork(the social worker said that the paperwork needed to be signed would allow the social worker to search for my landlady’s long lost son she hadn’t seen in 20 years). What the social worker really had my landlady sign was a quitclaim deed signing over her house to the social worker. I went to battle over this and the social worker called in a full fledged investigation against me! Luckily, social workers like to talk and I looked one in the face and said something to the effect of “I know that social workers do do things like (get elders to sign over houses etc).” The fool bragged about how social workers do indeed do that and went on for an hour about it. At which point I said “By the way, I’m recording this.” Surprisingly he state “ok, you got me” and then told me that he was going to close the investigation before he even open it. True story.
Dealing with the Law
I’m running out of time so I’m just going to give you the best “how to” guide out there:
Arrest-proof Yourself: An Ex-cop Reveals how Easy it is for Anyone to Get Arrested, how Even a Single Arrest Could Ruin Your Life, and what to Do If the Police Get in Your Face by Dale C. Carson. Ignore the goofy title. The book is the real deal about what cops really are doing when they come to your door.
I hope all this will be helpful.February 4, 2017 at 7:35 pm #1174
Thank you for providing these valuable links, HBGM.
And I’m not surprised about Social Workers. I’ve heard a number of horror stories (not just in SD County). Did you know that Social Worker is one of the (top 10) most chosen careers of Psychopaths?February 4, 2017 at 11:10 pm #1176
>>And I’m not surprised about Social Workers. I’ve heard a number of horror stories (not >>just in SD County). Did you know that Social Worker is one of the (top 10) most chosen >>careers of Psychopaths?
I believe that(even though I wonder how one would do a survey of occupations of sociopaths) having personally observed the career of a friends mother(definite sociopath) who was a social worker for San Diego CPS. I believe they get intoxicated with all the power that CPS workers have to totally destroy a good family or preserve a bad family with a wave of a hand. In the case of the above mentioned social worker she finally was shifted out of SD county(that’s how Cali deals with the worst of the worst social workers) after a case involving a mother who was killing her baby’s by shaking. As you may know, infants killed by shake often leave nothing that the medical examiner can really detect (because it’s mostly muscle damage similar to whip lash). This women had four previous infants die and this social worker decides that the real cause is a rare genetic disorder that only occurs in certain ethnic populations and that this women was being discriminated against! And this social worker really got on her high horse about this issue. It wasn’t until the seventh infant died that they yanked her off the case and transferred her out of county! I spent six years in San Diego county as an justice system activist. I have a lot of ugly stories from the trenches like that…
Would my post on “How to deal with the legal fall out from false accusations” be a good re-post where it might get some better visibility? Like maybe the “Best Practices” thread or even on the Shrink for Men? Shrink for Men is definitely high traffic and that group definitely has a need for the knowledge.April 21, 2017 at 5:21 pm #1289
We could probably use a “Best Practices” thread.
I apologize for the delay in responding but I’ve been dealing with some chaos of my own lately.
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